I survived the wedding. Though my ailment seems to be coalescing, hence the title.
The truth was that it was a nice, if by the book, sort of event, the ceremony was brief, the party didn’t drag on, and it was a pretty small gathering.
I still hate weddings. And I developed a number of principals for better weddings:
- If you can’t combine the ceremony with the toasts at the reception, there’s a problem. Weddings are social events, and the major function of a wedding is for a community to celebrate and “bless” a partnership. The toasts at the reception seem like the ideal place for this.
- I suggested at first that we find a way to integrate eating into the service, but the minister on hand noted that the goyem called this “communion,” and I suddenly felt less creative, so we’re back to the first option.
- Ministers are unnecessary, except in cases where the officiant is basically part of the wedding party, a mutual friend or one of the attendants if there were an odd number of bridesmaids or some-such. I mean, I think that it’s not too radical to suggest that if people really want to get married, they should be capable of doing it themselves, at least ceremonially.
- Wear jeans. Duh.
- Gotta have morris dancers.
I could blather on here about how the marriage laws are antiquated in many ways (they are), or how there needs to be a cultural re-imagining of marriage (there does), but I think I won’t. It’s a sort of tired topic, and I’m not sure what reenacting this debate would do here.
And the truth is, that on some greater level even if I think marriage–particularly the rituals associated with it–is foolish, I’m not particularly opposed to specific marriages, particularly if they’re grounded in independent and freethinking.
But weddings still suck.
From a purely selfish perspective, I find it annoying when my attendance at a wedding is, for all intents and purposes, obligatory. I figure that I have to support the union of a couple with both my attendance and a gift, and I don’t have the ability to inflict this obligation on others.
Comment by QueerJoe — 5 May 2008 @ 12:06 pm
Actually, the Baha’i already practice #2. No officiant, just the couple pledging to one another, and I think maybe something about a parental figure giving consent. Our officiant has at least become something of a friend over the past several months (knitter, spinner, Raveller with several parallels to our own past).
Comment by Mel — 5 May 2008 @ 10:34 pm