tychoish, now without a net

I have amazing friends. Many of you read this ‘blog. Sorry if I’m ripping you off, but comedy, is well, good to find. Thank you all for saying memorable things, and sorry if I’ve changed your words too much.

N: I am tired and cranky and don’t want to think about gender anymore today. pause Or math.

G: Men, on average, have more upper body strength… It’s helpful in settling primitive disputes, well primitively.

(P is a friend who plays frisbee with great dedication. The following stems from a description of something from a frisbee game.)

T: What?

P: See, I lay out, they lay out in front of, next to, behind, under, or over me.

T: Ok.

P: Then, we collide, and one of us comes up with it or the defense

T: If you say so.

P: Right, and then we help each other out, groan

pause

P: I mean up, help each other up.

pause

T: That was the best freudian slip I’ve seen in a while.

P Laughs.

T: I thought you liked frisbee because it was homoerotic, but I didn’t know that you knew that.

Thanks folks!

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tagged: comedy • the queer

Editor’s Note In the course of my morning a few things have come across my desk. I thought, given the nature of these communications that it would be best to convey them to you directly.

Dear Climate Change Theorists,

It’s come to my attention that it’s almost warm enough for short sleeves in January. While I appreciate a slight January thaw, it’s my thought that the 35-40 degrees would be sufficient. If there’s extra heat, consider another thaw in early March, but please 50s and higher is just uncalled for.

I’d like my winter back.

Warmest Regards,

tycho

Dear Lace Knitting G-ds,

I have successfully finished my latest lace piece onto a circular needle despite a brief interlude on 8″ lace “pin” double points, thanks to your support and attention.

I also was able knit about 10 rows, or 1,600 stitches last night, in one session, which is great improvement from my earlier accomplishments of under 500 stitches per session. Your graces have been most helpful in this matter.

With Reverence to your Holiness,

t. garen

Dear Magi of Real Knitting,

Please do not fear, despite my recent experiences with lace knitting–which are as you know, is only for the purposes of a group knitting project–I am still dedicated to my current real knitting projects.

I made progress last night on the Morocco, sweater sleeve that I’m working on. I’d figure I’m about halfway done by length of the sleeve, which means about 2/3s or so of the way done with the knitting. This is because, dearest Magi, you have deemed it appropriate for sleeves to get narrower near the cuff, and for this I remain your humblest servant.

I look forward, with your kind permission, to continue and focus on knitting more sweaters in the new year.

Respectfully,

tycho garen

Dear Knitting Class,

Please attract at least two more students. I want this thing to be really full because it’s going to be a blast. Also, we’ve arranged to have both of us there every week, so we might as well. right?

Thanks,

ty

Dear Breakout,

Can we have a meeting to discuss your current status and draft up a plan for your swift ascendency to novel status?

Best,

t.g.

Dear Novella,

Could you get a job so we could afford a freelance editor?

While you’re at it, if you can discover a market that might want to buy you?

Thanks.

Begrudgingly yours,

tycho

Memo

To: Desk
From: tycho garen
Subject: Hygiene

Hop to and clean yourself already.

Dear My Next Tea Kettle,

Why haven’t we bought you yet?

I look forward to meeting you, tycho

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tagged: comedy

1. Your Gmail inbox.
2. Your recent Amazon purchases.
3. Your currently running software applications.
4. Your Xenga “blog.”
5. Your Facebook Mini-Feed

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tagged: comedy • fives • lists

As you might know, for a good deal of my college career I was (one of) the ringleader(s) for our campus queer organization (indeed, between the queer group and the feminist co-op, there was only one semester where I wasn’t over involved.)

Anyway, the queer group always had an end of semester bash called wine and cheese. Frankly I’m not sure how we got away with it, I think technically because it was always early in the evening and we had an invite list, rather than just opening the door, everyone just let it be. Anyway. So we had an invite list that we always generated before the party. It was made up of:

1. People who participated in our events.
2. Our friends who we wanted to party with.
3. Professors and advisors who weren’t associated with the student-life folks (and thus wouldn’t report us.)
4. Other clubs (like the feminist co-op) that we wanted to support alliances between.
5. Queers in the community, who might not have come to our events but were at least tangentially supportive, that we wanted to reciprocate the support.
6. People who had previously been part of our little ring-leading group.
7. People we had crushes on/people we thought might be queer.

Note that categories 5 and 7 had very little overlap, indeed category 6 had little overlap with any other category.

I dunno, but that strikes me as being pretty darn funny, particularly in retrospect.

By the end of my time at AlmaMater I was pretty happy to be done, and I was more than ready to be done with the ring leading of the queer group. But now, I kinda miss that party, as odd as it always was.

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tagged: comedy • the queer

tycho discussion of plans for tomorrow, turn to discussion of the weather: but it’s going to be fucking cold tomorrow, and I don’t want to have to walk 4 blocks in the snow.
C.E: It is going to be bad tomorrow?
tycho: you were the one who was out there today, it was hell.
C.E.: But I think it’s going to be like 40, I hear.
tycho outraged that the weather broke: What! G-d! What the hell kind of dumb ass weather is that?

Pause.

tycho: You know, up north I’d always just dress in the morning for the weather the previous day, and it was almost always right, maybe it’d be a little bit iffy in October and April, but generally, I was ok. Here, since May, it’s like the weather is out there to fuck with you. Snow, followed by the fifties. Sixty degree weather alternating with 100 degree weather. I hope someone’s amused because I’m not!

Pause. tycho returns to reading his book.

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tagged: comedy

1. Aquamacs
2. xPad
3. Smultron
4. BBedit/TextWrangler
5. TextMate

What? You were expecting humor? Heh.

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tagged: comedy • fives • lists • technology